Cold Nostalgia Chills To The Bone
by salitardslytherwin
Summary: After an unwanted divorce, Harry travels to the one place he can remember the one he loves the most but finds so much more.  AU 6th Year. Based on a AU-HP RP


_"The stars lean down to kiss you and I lie awake and miss you. Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere. 'Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly, but I'll miss your arms around me. I'd send a postcard to you dear, 'cause I wish you were here."_

For awhile, Harry had thought that the next time he would return toCanadait would be with Draco, but on vacation, or to get away, maybe even on their first anniversary. Never, not even until after the divorce, did Harry ever think that he would return only months later, depressed, divorced and without Draco.

It hadn't been a hard decision, mostly because it wasn't really a decision at all. Harry knew he wanted to return to the places that made him the happiest, or at least where he had had some happy times.

But it was easier sad than done. Harry didn't know how to be happy anymore, and without really having to think about it, he wondered if he ever really did. For a short time, Draco made him happy. And thinking back on it, Harry realized that the short time he had spent being with Draco, and especially the little bit they had been married, Harry realized it had been the happiest time of his life.

He'd never get that back though because Draco wasn't his anymore. Draco didn't love Harry like he would have only dreamed, and a part of him, a small part; growing larger every time the thought passed his mind, wondered if he ever did.

'It's hard to love someone and know they can't love you back.' Harry remembered Hermione telling him, a small spark sizzling in her eye when she said it.

So Harry went toCanada. Well, he went back at least. He left a note on his pillow and a letter to Dumbledore explaining, in vagueness, his absence. And he left. With a tiny bag full of a few necessities, Harry left the grounds of Hogwarts aroundmidnightand disapparated to the one place that he remembered best from his trip toCanadaonly months before. A town, or at least a small city, he remembered specifically asLondon,Ontario.

Where Harry arrived exactly though, he wasn't all that sure. The one thing that was blatantly obvious though was that it was not yet night time, but evening. The sun taking its place low in the sky and illuminating it so shreds of pink and orange peeked out in patches of sky that weren't covered in fluffy, snow white clouds. It would have been beautiful had Harry been in the mood to enjoy it. But for now it just made him sad, knowing that if Draco had been there with him he would have looked up, made a comment about how intrigued Harry was with it and held Harry's hand, rubbing his thumb in a circle on the top of Harry's hand like he remembered him doing so many times before. But now his hand sat limp by his side, un-held and empty of the boy who broke his heart.

The familiarity of where he was slowly started to come to him as he walked down a path that seemed to be in a small park. On a playground to his left he watched a small group of children play as Harry stopped to look around. Finally he realized where he was and the memories started to come back.

"I can't believe this place is called Londonwhen it's so different from_ our_ London." Harry remembered Draco saying. He specifically remembered the way he had put emphasis on the _'our'_. It made Harry feel a little closer to him, that even though London was big and either of them even lived there when they were not at Hogwarts, it was theirs; something they could share.

Harry remembered how he had seen the tall downtown buildings in the distance and told Draco he would have liked to go to a hotel to sleep soon. He never said he wanted to do anything, but instead say he would like to. Draco would huff and smirk at him and make fun of for wanting things, so he'd say he'd like them instead, and Draco would be quiet. But even now Harry longed for one of Draco's jokingly sarcastic comments; anything but the lonely and Draco-less silence.

As memories of his past experience in the place he was standing started to rush back, Harry was snapped out of his trance and brought back to his sad, lonely reality. The kids started to leave the playground, to what Harry presumed to be because the sun was starting to set even lower and the chilly, early spring air was getting a lot colder. Harry figured he'd have more time to walk down memory lane in the morning, because even standing in the park by himself was making him hungry, so Harry decided to go and get some food and resume his, for lack of a better word, adventure tomorrow.

As Harry slowly turned and began to walk down the vaguely familiar path of the park to make his way downtown, Harry forced himself to block out the memories of walking with Draco. It was a task that proved much more challenging than expected though. Harry literally had to force himself to think of something, anything else, than the heart aching memory of Draco by his side.

The cold air around him wasn't a great help either, wishing so much that it was Draco holding his hand that warmed it instead of having to shove his hands deep into the pockets of his sweater and walk on through the evening sun.

It didn't take long to get downtown, although Harry was trying his best the entire way to think of anything other than his ex-husband. The one thing that he found he liked a lot about being thousands of miles away from home, and specifically the wizarding world, was that no one knew who he was. He wasn't being stopped on the street and asked about his divorce. He wasn't being crowded by reporters and photographers from the Daily Prophet, asking for quotes and pictures for the horribly wrong articles they were writing about it. Here, Harry was just another boy on the street. For all anyone knew, he was a regular 16 year old boy, not a wizard, not a divorced teenager, and no hero. And if anything, that brought him a little shred of comfort.

The only place that was still open was a tiny diner at the corner of the street, a block or so away from the hotel he planned to stay at. It was the same hotel he had stayed with Draco at during their trip months before. He wanted to stay in the exact same room, but he didn't know if that was entirely possibly, especially so late at night, so Harry kept his hopes down, like he'd been doing for a long time.

Harry walked into the dimly lit diner and forced a small smile at the hostess. She was okay looking, and if Harry hadn't been so heart broken and not himself, he might have chatted her up, pretended to take her number but never call, feeling satisfied that he had been able to be charming enough to win her over. But Harry didn't feel like it, so he didn't.

She lead him to a spot at the back of the restaurant, almost sensing that he'd rather be far away from anyone than up by a window or a booth. It was a tiny table meant for two, and the empty chair across from him almost mocked him as he took his seat. That could be Draco's seat, but it wasn't, and he wasn't sure he was okay with that.

Harry sat down though and took off his sweater. The menu that the waitress handed him wasn't large, but it was okay. He wasn't looking for a full course meal, but only something to hold over his achingly empty stomach until he could take anything more.

Harry ordered a burger and, what they called fries that Harry made the mistake in calling chips. When the waitress came and set the food in front of him, she gave him a worried look and sat down in the chair across from him. He only noticed now that he was the only customer in the entire place, making him feel a little uncomfortable.

The waitress might have been pretty had she not covered her face in such ghastly make up, but he figured it boosted her confidence, why else did anyone wear layers of make up over their greasy and pimple covered face, so he didn't think anything further of it.

She gave him a look that was filled with wisdom, although he figured she was only a couple years older than him. Before even speaking she pushed her hair out of her face and leaned an elbow on the table. "Not many young boys like yourself come in here alone so late at night. Everything okay?" She asked, a tad of fake concern ringing through her voice.

Harry focused on the red of her lipstick and didn't look into her eyes. "Er…" He didn't really know what to say, looking down at his plate full of food that looked half cooked and possibly sitting on a counter all day. Suddenly his appetite was gone and all he wanted to do was get to the hotel. "Break-up." He said simply, not feeling like going deeper into it, and hopefully she'd understand. People broke up all the time. Once again, not bringing any comfort to Harry's thoughts.

"Ahh…" She said, raising an eyebrow a little intrigued. "This girl must not have been worth it if she didn't want to be with you." Her voice now echoing with a little taunting noise he figured he was only hearing in her head but not actually happening. Either way, Harry couldn't stand the way she was looking at him, and his emotions were already at a limit so he let loose.

"Not a girl. A boy. Not just a boy either, he was my husband. We got married on a whim and now we're divorced because he apparently the 'sparks' weren't there for him anymore. I hate him so much but I can't stop thinking about him and I'm scared that it'll always be like that. But the thing is, I love him, and I'll probably always love him. And a part of me, a big part, hopes that I'll always love him. Because loving him was the greatest part of my life. So no, you're wrong. He was worth it. Even if he didn't want me, because even in the few months that we were together, and I loved him and he loved me, it was the greatest few months of my life. And maybe someday I'll get that back, and maybe someday I won't. All I know is that I'm 16, divorced, the laughing stock of my world and I've come all this bloody way to sit at a diner and stare at disgustingly stale food and be forced to talk to you." He ended, his voice starting to get louder until he stopped speaking, staring back at the face of the girl who looked so offended by his outburst that had his emotions not been running so high and he not been so fragile, he might have laughed.

After a few seconds of stunned silence, Harry pushed the plate away from him, picked up his sweater and draped it across his arm and walked out of the café.

The streets were definitely much colder than they had been before he entered the little diner and Harry found himself fidgeting with his sweater to get it on faster. The hotel was in sight, and Harry only wished it was closer so he didn't have to walk in the cold and be forced to ponder his own thoughts that he had regrettably dished out on the intrusively rude waitress.

Harry's pace quickened as he got even closer, but even stepping in the door and feeling the sudden change of temperature wasn't enough to calm the anger that was boiling in the pit of his stomach. He didn't understand where it was coming from, but it had definitely been triggered by his hostile conversation. Harry stepped up to the front desk and slightly leaned on it, bringing one of his hands up to his head and brushing his messy, untamed black hair back.

"Uh…I'd like a room." Harry spoke as calmly as he could. "Preferably room 301." He added, remembering off by heart the number of the room Harry and Draco had stayed in previously.

The man behind the desk didn't seem to recognize him, but he gave Harry a funny look when he mentioned the room number. "Sorry, that room is currently full." Harry's heart dropped slightly. "Funny enough though, a fellow came in here only a couple hours earlier requesting that room as well." He said, sifting through some papers on the desk, preparing to find Harry a room.

But Harry was now distracted. "A fellow? What fellow? What did he look like?" Harry thought of only one person.

The man behind the counter gave him a funny look, but sensed his slight desperation and answered willingly. "Young guy, maybe 17, a little taller than you." Harry's mind raced, but he tried to keep calm because it could really be anyone. That was, until he mentioned the last one. "And blonde hair as white as the sun." He said with a little huff of a laugh.

With those words, Harry's heart started beating extra fast and his face went a little hot. Draco. Who else could it be? But why would Draco be here? Why would Draco want that room? There were a lot of unanswerable questions that Harry didn't know he'd ever get the answer to unless it really was Draco and he was around to ask. "Can I have 302 then?" He asked quickly.

The man eyed him down for a second before ringing up the room and handing Harry an old fashioned key. It wasn't like new hotels, but a turn key, which Harry liked. Harry paid quickly with the muggle money he had brought with him and turned to go to the room.

Once out of site, Harry broke into a run, sprinting up the stairs, figuring his own legs could carry him faster than any muggle elevator contraption. With every step he took, his legs seemed to weaken with pure anticipation and a slight bit of nervousness. Once he reached the third floor though, everything stopped and he eyed down the room. The door was closed and there was no sound in it, but Harry broke the silence by knocking, hoping whoever was inside was the one person he wanted—needed to see the most.

There was another couple moments of silence and Harry feared that it wasn't really Draco, but another man who he would be embarrassed to see opening the door, but that tiny fear was extinguished when the door creaked open, revealing a tall, skinny, blonde boy that Harry knew all too well. "Draco…" Harry said quietly, peering up at him, almost in a dream-like state.

"Harry…?" He said back, appearing astounded to see him in front of him.

The silence so thick and heavy yet so mysterious and scary that Harry was at so much of a loss for words that he could barely even think.

"What are you doing here?" He finally asked after staring at him and him staring at him back for what felt like ages.

Draco shifted and seemed to be a little embarrassed, something Harry had only seen a few times in his life. "I came because…because I…I just wanted…I…." He stuttered and faded in and out, appearing unsure of what he was saying.

Finally Harry interjected. "I came because I missed you." He said, finishing his sentence although it was his reasoning and not necessarily Draco's.

He stared back at Harry and slowly nodded his head. "Yeah," He swallowed and finally broke the intense eye contact that he hadn't even realized they had been having since the moment their eyes met.

Draco looked down the hall and all around Harry. "Do you…do you want to come in?" He asked.

Harry's heart skipped a beat and for a moment he wanted to say no because he was so angry and flustered, but his heart told him to go in, so slowly he nodded his head back and walked through the gap that Draco had made between him and the door frame for Harry to walk through.

Once inside, the memories started to flood back. How Harry had had a headache so bad that he could barely stand up the day they were to return back to Hogwarts after escaping the Daily Prophet's reporters after hearing about their marriage. How Draco and come out and rubbed Harry's neck to make him feel better, to no success though. Harry stopped the memories from flooding his mind and turned back around once in the center of the room and looked back at his ex-husband. "Why are you really here?" Harry finally mustered up all the courage to ask.

Draco seemed a little amused by his question but only scratched his chin and let a tiny, true smile cross his face. "I really did just miss you." He said, a little embarrassed once again.

Harry forced every muscle in his body not to allow himself to smile back, but with no success because he felt his lips slightly turn up, not large enough to reach his cheeks though. He was snapped back to reality as he remembered all the things they had been through. The divorce, the cheating, the lying. Everything. "You don't miss me." Harry said finally.

Draco's smile faded and he looked down at his feet. "I do miss you, Harry. I miss you a lot." His voice a little quieter and a tiny bit shy. "I miss being close to you and having you near me. And I came here…I came to this place to find that again. But…I didn't. Not until…not until you knocked on my door." He looked back up, meeting Harry's green eyes.

All he could do was stare back and try to take in everything he was saying. He wished so hard that Draco would say those words, but now that he was, he was scared. Almost more scared than when Harry first admitted, even to himself, what he was feeling towards Draco was real. "What…what are you saying?" Harry finally asked, his voice so scared and weak that it even coming from his mouth astounded him.

Draco licked his lips and cracked his mouth into a tiny bit of a smile once again. He stared at Harry, his eyes sparkling and glistening with the dull light of the lamps in the room. "I'm saying I'm sorry. I'm saying I was stupid for ever doing any of this to you. I didn't want to say any of this until I was back at Hogwarts but now that you're here…" Draco moved closer to him, filling the gap so much that they were only a few feet apart. The look in his eye told him that he wanted Harry to finally move forward and close the gap, but Harry remained still to Draco's slight surprise. "I'm saying…I love you." his voice even lower and smaller now; the genuine touch still very prominent.

Harry stared, stunned at him. He'd waited for those words for weeks, hoping and praying that as they signed their divorce papers that he'd say it then and there. How he'd wanted to hear it the moment they started to drift apart and lead separate lives. How he wanted to hear it every morning before class and every night before they went to their separate common rooms. He just wanted to hear it, but hearing it now brought on so many different feelings that what he'd expected to hear, and he didn't know what to think.

There was a long silence, longer than there had been at all that evening, but finally Harry spoke. "I hate you." He said, and he watched Draco's face turn from a smile to concern in under a second. "I hate you for leaving me. I hate you walking away from all of this. I hate you for divorcing me and ruining my life. I hate everything about you. And I love you so much that it can block out all that hate and all I can see is the stupid boy I fell in love with and…" Harry's voice faded out and in an instant he moved forward and the two boys' lips were together, slowly and silently pressed together in what felt like the longest awaited kiss Harry had ever felt, and it just felt so perfect. He felt the sparks that Draco said had disappeared for him and he hoped more than anything that it wasn't like that anymore. He wanted Draco more than anything, and having him here, having him so close with the still possibility that the sparks weren't there was a sobering moment of the kiss, and finally Harry pulled away.

Draco's eyes danced softly as he stared back at Harry's only an inch or so away. His soft breath touching Harry's face and warming him even more. Their arms wrapped around each other motionless yes so alive.

"Sparks." Draco said softly with the tiniest hint of a smile.

Harry's face lit up and his green eyes sparkled with so much happiness that he'd been sure that his thoughts were being broadcasted across them. "Sparks?" Harry asked quietly, his voice so hushed and unsure of what he had just said, scared that it wasn't real and that Draco hadn't said it at all.

"Sparks." He repeated assuring. They stared back at each other before Draco closed the gap once again and planted his lips on Harry's, closing his eyes and bringing him closer. Their foreheads pressed against each other, Draco slowly pulled away, but barely enough to break them apart. "One more chance. Once more chance and I'll never hurt you again." He said quick

Finally Harry pulled away and only a few inches from his own, Draco's eyes stared back at him. "You couldn't have said all that before I was forced to divorce your sorry ass?" Harry said with a fair hint of amusement.

Draco simply smirked and looked down into his eyes. "I didn't know what I had. I didn't know what I was about to lose." He said, his lips slowly turning into a smile.

Harry just stared back up at him into his gray eyes and not blinking at all. "How can I trust that you're not going to do this again?" He finally asked after a few moments of silence. Draco took his time thinking about it and when he finally looked like he came to an answer, he spoke.

"You can't. Just never forget that I love you with all my heart, Harry Potter, and I'm never going to make the mistake of forgetting that ever again…_ever_." He said, staring into Harry's eyes, their arms still wrapped around each other.

Harry hesitated once more, but from the look in his eyes and the way he was talking, Harry believed him and slowly leaned up to kiss him once again, giving him another chance and allowing himself to fall in love with Draco all over again.

"_When violet eyes get brighter and heavy wings grow lighter, I'll taste the sky and feel alive again. And I'll forget the world that I knew, but I swear I won't forget you. Oh if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear; oh darling I wish you were here."_


End file.
